Don't tell fat people about your problems with fatness
As you have probably picked up on by now if you have read some of my past blogs, things between my family and I are not good. I have never been so close to walking away from them completely. As I contemplate whether or not it is good for me to continue to be in relationship with my family, I have been feeling very lonely. As a result, I have been *desperate* to make friends (message me *winky face*), a feeling I haven't felt since high school, maybe college.
A week ago, our neighbors here at our campsite invited us to a campfire and apple cider for Christmas Eve. I would normally be very hesitant to socialize because '#socialanxiety', but I have been looking for community so I was in.
And it was really fun! Surprisingly. We talked mostly about travel and living on the road and it was nice to talk with other people who understand what this lifestyle is like, the ups and the downs. I left feeling uplifted, which doesn't always happen for me when socializing. It was a nice relief from the loneliness of the holidays.
Yesterday, they invited us again for another campfire with some of their friends and everything was fine until I got into a conversation with a straight sized person about baking. At first, she was just telling me about all the things she had baked for the holidays, but then the conversation turned into how she 'felt fat' and her waistline kept expanding and she was gaining weight and she really shouldn't be eating all these sweets and carbs and she doesn't exercise enough. You know the conversation, you get the idea.
As a fat person deeply rooted in fat liberation in conversation in a public place with someone I barely know, I was like a deer in headlights. I just awkwardly laughed and made a comment about how it is normal for bodies to change, especially in winter. Then I desperately tried to change the subject. As the only fat person at the campfire that night, I immediately became hyper aware of how all these thin people must be very aware of my fatness and I just wanted to crawl out of my skin.
Thin people love telling fat people about their diets and body issues. I think people look at me and think, "Oh, they must hate their body as much as I do." And I have been there, I have practiced so many disordered eating habits in an effort to lose weight. And as part of my recovery from disordered eating, I can't listen to people talk about how much they hate their bodies, it's just too triggering.
This is not the first time this has happened to me. A few months ago, I was at a family party and a family member, who is in remission from cancer, started telling me about a recent scare she had with a lump that made it difficult for her to eat. And then she proceeded to tell me about how she thought she should have lost more weight as a result of not being able to eat. I was in shock and again just sat there like a deer in headlights. Not surprisingly, I was the fattest person at the party, apparently a magnet for everyone's horrible thoughts about how they wish having cancer made them skinnier.
That is my problem with making friends in person. You don't know their values, their life experiences. And they don't know me. They haven't read my Instagram bio or seen my blog posts. They don't know how hard I work to keep toxic ideas about how bodies should be out of my life. I just met them, and if I have learned anything over the past year, it is that I need to stop trying to teach people how to behave around me. So I guess I will stick to making friends online (message me *winky face*).
I realize now that what I am looking for is friends who just get it without me having to explain it all.
Let's be friends! Have you had success making friends online or in person? If you are a fat person, do you find that people always want to tell you about their diets?
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