Coming out to my mom as non binary
I have identified as non binary since the summer of 2020, but it was only recently that I came out to my mom.
Until the last few years, my mom and I had always been close. But, towards the end of college, I was just changing so fast - changing into a very different person than who she raised me to be.
Now don't get me wrong - she tried to understand me. But she couldn't keep up, so we grew apart.
When I accepted the fact that I was non binary, I wanted to come out to my mom, but I was so tired of explaining myself to her.
I think "coming out" is an outdated concept and I didn't feel like it was my responsibility to correct her mistake of assigning me to the "female" gender when I was born.
But, as I was getting ready to launch my online art store, I knew I needed to tell her because being non binary was becoming a bigger part of who I am (it was all over my shop) and I wanted to be able to share my art store with her.
I called her randomly one Saturday morning when I was feeling especially courageous. When she answered, I told her that if there was any time to put on her best parenting hat, now would be the time.
She said, "Hold on, let me get it out... Okay girl, go ahead." I said, "Actually, that's the thing. I am not a girl."
And we talked. Mom to kid. She did pretty well - listening, not making it about her.
I told her I didn't want to have to tell all my family so she told my sisters and my dad for me. It felt good to have someone in my corner trying to carry some of my burden, even if they don't totally get it.
I felt so much relief after I came out to her as non binary.
I had been carrying a secret around with me for so long.
A few weeks later, she told me my younger sister had been encouraging her to practice telling stories about me using they/them pronouns. That is the most seen I have felt by family in a long time. I was so worried my mom would just avoid using pronouns for me instead of learning new ones. And to hear that my younger sister had taken it upon herself to teach my mom for me - ugh, my heart felt so fucking full.
I still have a longing to be celebrated for my differences, not just accepted as the weird one in my family. Maybe one day that will come, but for now, I am going to celebrate me for having the courage to be seen by my family in the first place.
Let's be friends! Have you ever had to come out to your family? How do you feel about the concept of coming out - helpful or harmful?
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