Why I shaved my head
In 2016, at the start of my last semester of college, I shaved my head for the first time.
It wasn't some existential crisis like most people in my life thought it was. I can still remember when I finally made the decision to shave my head. I was in my partner's bathroom in his college apartment with him and a friend who held my hand while my partner shaved off my long curly brown hair.
I wasn't nervous about how I would look with a shaved head, more just anxious about finally taking the leap to do something I had wanted to do for so long. And when it was done, it was weird to look in the mirror for awhile. I can still remember the what the wind felt like on my scalp the first time I went outside. What a strange sensation after 20 years of long hair.
At the time I shaved my head, I was finishing my last semester towards degree to become a Registered Dietician.
I showed up to class the next day so anxious about how everyone was going to perceive my newly shaved head.
One of my professors commented on how it was good that I had a nicely shaped head so I could pull it off. Like, what the fuck does that mean?
Another professor who was also a pediatric oncology dietician said that the doctors and nurses in her department shave their heads every year to show support for the kids who are losing their hair to cancer treatment. She said she didn't participate this year because her brother was getting married and she didn't want to have a shaved head for photos. Okay... so what you are saying is that people with shaved heads are less attractive and they shouldn't be photographed at important events...
This is exactly the reason I shaved my head. To say to the people in my life, we are not the same.
I didn't quite have the right words at the time because I was still figuring out who I was (for the record, I still am). But I was tired of being perceived as the same as these cis, thin, privileged people I was surrounded by while I was in college.
And people did treat me differently... it is truly amazing how much privilege I lost when I stopped performing femininity.
Sometimes I think about growing it out again. Right now, I am struggling so hard to survive this world so sometimes I think maybe if I conformed to what society wants from me I could survive a little easier, gain back some of my social privilege.
But, when I really think about it, that doesn't seem like the right solution to a fucked up society that says you only have value if you gender representation matches your genitals.
So I pull out my buzzer every week and a half and shave my hair as short as it will go, hoping that my usual "fuck you" will give someone else the courage to say "fuck it" to a society that expects that every person assigned female at birth should perform femininity for the world
Let’s be friends! Have you ever changed something about your appearance to send a message to the world? Do you ever feel pressure to perform femininity or masculinity?
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