Leave the fats alone.
I hate going out in public as a fat person.
A few weeks ago, I was in line at the grocery store check out and in a strangely good mood.
When it was my turn to check out, I complimented the cashier's earrings. They weren't anything special to me, but I was just happy and thought I would share a little of my joy with this person if I could.
They said thank you and shared that they had bought them on an online site that they loved. "They have a range of sizes, even sizes for big girls."
My heart sank. Here I was, alone as a fat person buying food in a super busy grocery store, and this thin cashier had to put me in the uncomfortable position of publicly naming my fatness.
Without making eye contact with anyone, I got out the store as fast as I could. When I was safely back in my car, I started second guessing myself. Maybe this person was just trying to be helpful because they know that it can be hard to find jewelry that fits as a fat person. I could be overreacting, but that just didn't feel true.
The reality is that if this person wasn't uncomfortable with my fatness, they wouldn't have brought it up. By saying "even for big girls," they were saying to me that they noticed my fatness and they couldn't just let it go, let me pass through their life without letting me know that they noticed how fat I am.
If they were actually fat positive, they would have just let me exist as I am, just like a normal person doing their weekly grocery shopping.
But they didn't. And they forced me to carry their discomfort with their offhanded comment about my size.
I don't owe them conversation about my fatness just because they are uncomfortable with the way my body looks.
It is so exhausting moving through the world as a fat person. I need to eat, but it is so difficult to do the simple task of buying food when I am constantly reminded of how much the world is bothered by my fatness.
Just let the fats be.
Let's be friends! Have you ever had someone you didn't know make unprompted comments about your body? How did that make you feel?
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