We are still in Bend, OR waiting for our transmission to be replaced on our campervan. We have been staying at a Motel 6 since the beginning of November and will be here for probably another week. I don't know if any of you have ever lived at a motel but it is not fun.

In March 2021, my partner, Patrick, and I left our home in Southern California with our dog to travel up to Oregon and Washington. Along the way, we stayed at over 20 campgrounds, both free and paid. Since we are currently in Bend, OR waiting for the transmission to be rebuilt on our 20-year-old converted campervan, I thought I would reminisce about my favorite campgrounds that we have stayed at along the way.

Three days ago, as we were leaving a campground north of Bend, OR on our way to south, our van Olaf started having trouble accelerating. It felt like our 21-year-old converted campervan would rev his engine when we got to 15mph but could not go any faster. He wasn't shifting into second gear.

I have been fighting a war. And losing. Everyday is a mental health battle that I can't get a break from. I wasn't always like this. Two years ago I wouldn't have even said I have anxiety or depression. Maybe I just couldn't see it.

I have camped a lot in my life, especially in the last year since I moved full time into my campervan. Free campgrounds, paid campgrounds, national parks, state parks, county parks, in cities, rural areas, desert, forest... you name it. But my recent camping experience was unlike anything I have ever experienced and it shook me.

I wanted to write a different story. One of happiness and joy. One that said if you step out of the systems holding you down you will be free. You CAN free yourself from an oppressor. But that's not my story. At least not yet.

Here's the thing that has been weighing heavy on my mind- it's cold and raining a lot. And as far as I can tell from the weather, it is going to keep getting colder and rainier. Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE rain. I lived the last three years in the desert of southern California. The few times a year it rained I would cancel all my plans for the day and just sit outside under an umbrella or at the window listening to the rain fall. But in the van... it's different.

I am currently at a campground in the Capitol Forest twenty minutes south of Olympia, WA. Before coming here, we stayed at a Motel 6 for three nights in southwest Portland. The main reason for staying in a motel was to get chores done that would have otherwise been hard to do from the van like having the tires checked, picking up packages, charging our battery.